The family is one of the most important social units for the Chinese. Families are also important to Americans, but American see each person as fundamentally independent and try to install independence in their children. The Chinese, on the other hand, stress each person’s position in the family and the interdependence of family members. To have no family or relatives nearby is frightening. 
             The Chinese family operates differently from the American family. These differences can be summarized by several principles.

1. Patrilineal. The Chinese are strongly patrilineal, meaning that they see their kinship relations as a line through men, from the grandfather, to father, to son and the grandson. Women come into this patriline to provide children, but if husband and wife divorce, the woman leaves without her children because they belong to the patriline. Ancestor worship affirms and reinforces patrilineality. Not having a son breaks the patrilineal chain.
2. Patrilocal. Marriage means that the bride moves to her husband’s and her in-law’s house. Whereas Americans tell the parents of the bride and groom that they are not losing a child but gaining a new one, the Chinese are quite clear that the bride is leaving her home and moving to the groom’s family, This pattern is still true in rural areas, and less true in cities where apartments are too small for the new couple to live with the groom’s parents. Because of patrilocality, many Chinese villages are made up of the descendants of one or a few ancestors who had settled there hundreds of years ago. Young girls are often related to most families in their father’s village and therefore have to marry into families from other villages.
3. Hierarchy of Age. In traditional society, the eldest male, usually the father or grandfather was clearly the head of the family. He made most of the decisions and was respected by those younger. As old men became weak or doddering, their sons gradually took over, but young people were still expected to treat their elders with respect. The hierarchy of age is no longer as strong as it once was.
4. Male over Female. In the past, men dominated over females, and still do to some extent today. It was customary for women to walk behind their husband, and no concept of chivalry prevented women from doing heavy work. Older women could gain some power in their families when their age allowed them to control their children, (especially their daughters-in-law, who were outsiders), but this depended on their personality.
5. Equal Inheritance for Sons. Sons divide the inheritance equally (unlike the U.S. where daughters also get a share; Japan and the nobility in Europe, where only the eldest son receives the estate). Daughters get a dowry upon marriage, but this is rarely equal to share of the estate.
6. Filial. Children are expected to be filial to their parents. Being filial requires that sons produce sons, that they respect and defer to their parents, and that they take care of their parents in their old age. Daughters marry into other families and therefore cannot support their parents, but they may still visit.

             The Chinese family has long been able to exact more influence over its members than the American family. In the past, Chinese family heads decided who would go to school and for how long, and what trade they should study. As among nobility in Europe, marriage was a union between two families, not between two lovers. Just 100 years ago, it was the rule that the bride and groom not see each other before marriage. Parents, everyone agreed, were more experienced and thus in a better position to judge prospective spouses and make a choice in the best long-term interest of the young people and their families. Now, parents often still have some say in their children’s marriage, but young people have veto power and insist on dating for a while before deciding on marriage.

             Matchmakers used to be very important in letting parents know of prospective spouse for their children. Women made ideal marriage brokers because, although they were subordinate, the fact that they married out of their parents’ village into their husband’s village made them familiar with two villages. If they had sisters and other female relatives, they could know of marriageable young people in many villages. They could meet relatives at market towns or during weddings and holidays to exchange information and suggest possible matches to the parents of eligible young people. Today many young people are introduced to potential mates by friends as well as by matchmakers.